How to Deal with a Domineering Boss (Without Losing Your Mind)
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Dealing with a toxic, controlling boss? You’re not alone.
A domineering manager can drain your energy, kill your confidence, and make every workday feel like a battle.
But you can take back control—without losing your job or your mind.
In this episode, we break down:
✅ How to stay professional (even when they’re not).
✅ Smart ways to manage up, set boundaries, and communicate with power.
✅ When to document everything—and when to walk away.
If you’re stuck under a power-tripping boss, this episode is your playbook.
Comment below: What’s the worst boss move you’ve ever seen?
Subscribe for more ways to make work suck less.
📌 Chapters:
0:00 – Intro
0:38 – What to expect from this episode
1:08 – Why you should listen to us
3:03 – Step 1: Dealing with a domineering boss
8:57 – “I lost it yesterday” – Why occasional intensity can help
10:28 – The only time emotions belong at work
13:24 – How to manage up (and why it matters)
16:54 – Set boundaries—firm but respectful
22:45 – Document everything—your protection if things go south
25:29 – The Uber story: toxic culture in action
26:55 – Know when it’s time to walk away
31:09 – Vision: keep your long-term career in focus
34:46 – Culture: how bad bosses build resilience
37:25 – Results: skills that outlast the boss
39:20 – A wild workplace story
44:20 – Don’t let fear trap you in toxicity
➡️ Go ahead and hit that like button!
Transcript
Welcome to the Make Work Not Suck podcast.
[:Have you ever had a boss who's a complete tyrant, demanding, overbearing, and just completely exhausting to work for? Today, we're gonna show you how to handle a domineering boss without sacrificing your sanity or your career trajectory?
[:The answer is yes. I have, Bob. But but dealing with this difficult manager shouldn't mean daily stress and dread. Right? So stick around, and we've got a few tips that'll help you overcome in dealing with a domineering boss.
[:You might not be able to fix your boss, but you can absolutely fix how you respond. And sometimes, that makes all the difference.
[:Alright. So let's set some expectations for the episode. Here's what we wanna tackle today. Right? Staying professional, not emotional.
Mhmm. Managing up effectively, setting clear boundaries, communicating confidently, documenting your interactions, and knowing when it's time to walk away. If you can master those tricks, you can overcome dealing with a domineering boss.
[:Yeah. And by the end of this episode, you'll know exactly how to deal with that domineering boss without losing your cool or losing your career. So right. Why should anybody listen to us?
[:They shouldn't is the answer. They shouldn't, but we're gonna do this anyway.
[:Here's what I would say. I went through and counted. Since graduating college, I have had over 20 bosses that are not clients, like actual W-two employee to employer relationships, 20 unique bosses, and didn't even get to all of them. I've worked for Fortune 500 companies. I've worked for two person startups.
I've been employee number five and employee number 500,000 and several things in between. So I've got experience across the entire continuum, and in lots of different parts of the company. So I have experienced I've got a thing close to every type of management style you can think of. And then you throw in my clients and the people that I'm working with that are, you know, my executive coaching clients or my consulting clients. I've spent a lot of time dealing with difficult bosses myself, coaching people who are working for difficult bosses, or coaching people who are difficult bosses.
So I got a lot of experience on this one, and I'm excited to dig into it.
[:Yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, we work with hundreds of companies, and it's it's a lot of things we're talking about are direct insights that are coming from what we're seeing, what we're experiencing, you know, being up on stage and speaking at some of these events and and what we're learning from the the audiences, etcetera, etcetera. So, I mean, what we're bringing is is leading voices in workplace culture, leadership, psychology, and emotional intelligence, all to make work not suck. And and today's episode was actually inspired by revenue coach, Casey Lincoln, who actually came up with these, points. We found it on a LinkedIn post, and we decided to dig deeper.
[:Special thanks. Shout out to, Cassie Lincoln for these. How to deal with a difficult and domineering boss? Brian, where would you start?
[:Alright. Step number one, stay professional, not emotional. I've got some, deep insights on this one from the last twenty four hours, but it's keep your emotion in check. I know that sounds easier said than done. Your boss's intensity does not define your capability.
Stay calm. Stay collected. Now that's easier said than done, especially when you're triggered. Why is this so important?
[:Oh, I would say lots of reasons. I I think one of them is that most of us do not make good decisions when we're emotional. There's a lot of psychology behind that and how your, cerebral cortex shuts down when you're in fight or flight mode. It's your animal brain or your lizard brain, as some people say that that it's driving the bus and you do not make strategic decisions when you're in that kind of a mode. You, are very reactive and volatile, and good things usually do not happen.
So I would say that's probably the first and most obvious reason to keep your emotions in check.
[:So Stephen Covey says, the point between, stimulus and response lies your freedom. That is your freedom as a human being because you were in control of your own response. And the problem is is when you allow somebody else to control that, when you when that stimulus happens and you respond with that emotional attack, that is someone you're giving your freedom to somebody else because you're responding to it. So that gap between stimulus and response is your freedom. And so in a professional environment, if your boss does something that triggers you emotionally and you respond back, I mean, I'm sure there's tons of people that'll listen to this and say, yep.
I went off on my boss and I was fired the next day, and I knew it as I was walking out the door. Take a step back. Take a break. Don't let it trigger you. You know, walk out of the room, grab a you know, walk into the the stairwell or if you're home and, you know, make sure you're off Zoom and outside and scream.
Sure. Let the emotion out. I think one thing that also falls apart in this one is when people take this to, like, their coworkers or their parallel bosses.
[:Mhmm.
[:And they unload the emotional response, and it creates drama. It creates, that emotional baggage. It creates talk toxic culture. So I wanna actually hang on that one for a second because I think there's a difference between venting proactively inventing destructively. Okay.
Say more. In the instance when a boss triggers you, and I and I I say I open with this with the last 24. Literally, I've been triggered by an organization I was work with. There's a difference between allowing that emotion to trigger you and just instantly respond back because my inclination, you know, I want to, you know, send the nasty email. I wanna fire them.
I wanna do all those things, but I know that's not the right thing and that doesn't create a win win environment. Instead, I had the opportunity to meet with another individual in the organization and said, look, this is my problem. I'm gonna tell you my frustration, but I want you to help me come up with a solution because I'm not articulating something correctly. And so, I mean, obviously keeping myself in check, I let some of my frustrations out, but I never was, you know, belittling or, you know, negative or just flat out bitching. And the whole context behind it was, can you help me find some gaps in my frustration that'll help me turn this into a more positive interaction and help me convey what's really frustrating with with me.
So I think I think that that advice might be further down, point number four when we get to it. But I think it's the difference between when that trigger happens and how you respond to it is what'll make or break when you get down to point number four.
[:Two things I would wanna say on this, keep it professional, not emotional. I would say one, the, the more I work with business owners, entrepreneurs, CEOs, the more I realize the weight that they carry is very, very heavy. And so I would say we all need to give a little bit more grace to people at the top of the org chart. That doesn't mean they get to be tyrants and they get a free pass, but many of them are carrying very, very heavy burdens that we know nothing about.
[:I'm gonna call BS.
[:Okay.
[:I'm calling BS. Okay. Why? And if there's a partial BS, everybody is human. So I get what you're saying in the sense that people the the the leaders and managers at the top of organization are still human beings.
They will make mistakes. If you hold them on a pedestal and you expect them to be perfect, that's treating them like an idol, and that's not who they are. They're human beings. Right. If that person is continually doing it over and over and over and over, no.
I I that's where I call BS on it. And Okay. My message to leaders. You are on stage. Your employees that you may have good relations with them, but at the end of the day, this is like being a a parent.
You can't be the father and the buddy at the same time. At some point, you're gonna have a confliction there. And parents that choose the buddy route and never the the parent route, you know, that that never doesn't always end the success in those moments that needs to. And I think that's the same thing with a boss is you have to remember, you are always on stage, and you're being judged by your performance. And if you have an emotional outbreak, if you have it once, the very next thing you need to do is eat some humble pie and go apologize and own it.
Yep. Then do everything you can to prevent it again. If you're one of those that thrives on just constantly being that emotional outburst person, news flash, I guarantee you your business is hitting a ceiling. It's in decline, and, well, it's gonna stay that way until you fix your attitude and outlook because your ego is what's screwing it up. Okay.
[:I got one other thing I need to talk with you about, and then we can go on to the next one. Emotional outbursts as a management tactic. I literally got this email this morning from a CEO that I'm working with. Just started working on this project with this client. I'm working primarily with her head of product.
And she sent an email to me, and I pointed out some things where I felt like she and her number two were kinda misaligned with each other. And she says, yesterday, I laid down the hammer and told everyone blah, blah, blah, details, details. I went a little bit ape shit yesterday, which I find is good on occasion in order to keep everyone in line. We're like perfect quote, word for word. How do
[:you respond to that? Well, I have been that person a time or two.
[:I've seen you do it. You have. You have. I've I've been on the receiving end of it once or twice.
[:Well, you know, how how did I handle it then? Oh, no. No. No. You gotta go first.
Oh, okay. Well, okay. Wow. You really put me on the spot.
[:Oh, yeah. Absolutely.
[:I mean, I would think in those moments, I probably yes. I've you know, get you get frustrated and and and and sometimes it's just hard to communicate, and and the frustration gets to the point. I think in those times, I hope that I apologize, and I hope I came back and said this, and I I hope we we came to the other side of it. I'd hope that's that's that's what I think we did. I don't know.
[:Are you gonna tell
[:me I was a
[:jackass the whole time? We're still working together. I would almost maybe say that that they're I might disagree at the point in general. I think that it is okay to bring emotions to work, but they have to be respectful and professional.
[:Yes. Yes. I think it's okay to be animated. I think it's okay to be I think it's okay to be frustrated. I think it's okay to have those levels of tension.
I think in some cases, it's healthy. I think it's unhealthy when it becomes a, I I I, you you you. It's you you start belittling people. You start diminishing people, domineering. Right?
Like, the topic of the thing. When you become a domineering boss with your emotion
[:Mhmm.
[:Then I think you're out of control. I think if there's a level of emotion that you're trying to bring something to a situation, you're probably emotional for a reason, not just because you're an asshole. I guess if you're bringing emotion to it because you're an asshole, you're a domineering boss.
[:I've heard somebody say attack ideas, not people.
[:I could think of some
[:of the people that I've worked with that that attack individuals, and I think that's not okay. But I have worked with bosses who have been emotional in their conversations and their frustrations with me or with the situation. And I think that that can actually be good management, but they weren't attacking me personally.
[:Now that is something I do call out and I hope hopefully, these are the times that I've ever done this. And and I do know this in a more frequent time, this happened a couple of months ago. I did have to stop the meeting and say, I want everybody to know, I'm frustrated at the breakdown of the process. I'm not frustrated at you individually. We our process failed us, and we have to fix it.
I'm frustrated that that happened. Mhmm. And and it annoys me that this just cost us a hundred thousand dollars, but I know this team can fix it. So know that I'm frustrated, but I'm not frustrated with you.
[:Yeah.
[:So I think if if and now that that's probably a good call out. If your boss is acting like that, that's more of a leadership level quality of of, again, attacking the problem, not the individual. You have a domineering boss. If it's your problem, you effed up, you drop this ball. You suck.
You suck. That's a domineering boss. Get the hell out of
[:there. And I would say, if you find yourself in that situation where your boss is attacking you personally and you suck and you're, you know, you're, if I see this again, you're fired, all this kind of stuff. Do not respond emotionally to that. That's. A very slippery slope to a bad place.
Right. Go outside, take a walk, find a way to cool off and then come back and deal with that as professionally as you can. But I do think that that's a different situation than somebody like you in this situation. I think you and I are both thinking of where you were frustrated at the process, frustrated at the team not working well together, frustrating at the results, but not taking personal attacks at people. Yeah.
Number two, manage up. Get strategic. Understand your boss's priorities, their working styles, and align yourself accordingly. When I have had demanding bosses, the ones that I have worked for, trying to put myself in a situation where I'm understanding what's important to them, not what's important to me and how they're being judged, how they're evaluating success gives me a perspective that can help me manage them better. But it takes a little bit of work to kind of be able to get that perspective and to realize that whatever's on my to do list today is probably not on his to do list for good reason.
But thinking about what is on his to do list and how I can make him more successful has always been a good strategy for me in dealing with somebody who's a little bit domineering.
[:So let's let's throw the the the phrase out here. Right? Mastering the art of managing up isn't about kissing up. It's about smart positioning. Mhmm.
It's about playing chess when the other place person is playing checkers. Right. And and here's something, you know, our good friend Jason Simmons, when we've worked at a couple of companies together. Right? Yep.
When he was my, director of operations at one of our companies, we had this ops team and I had four assistants.
[:Mhmm. And
[:there was some chaos at times because I know I can be a hard person to to manage. Right? He would literally go to them and go, you need to understand Ryan's problems because the more we can help remove those from his plate, the more effective he's going to be and the the more effective we are gonna be as an individual versus he's frustrated when all these things happen and fall apart or, you know, schedules don't get hit and missed. And because we were running very tight schedules, we had a lot just had a, you know, ton of money invested into the company, and we had to hit some some strategic targets, and we had to move quick. There was really tight margin for error.
And that was the best thing he's always said, and I've seen him use this over and over again, is figure out your boss's problems and be the solution, not the problem. So managing up isn't about kissing up. It's about how can you solve your boss's problems will actually make them happier and de stress them. And, I mean, that's also career progression that's, you know, I mean, that that that that sets up for a win win solution versus when you become your boss's problems,
[:then expect the emotional outbreak. I've also found that some of the best managers I've worked with, the first ninety days, they are all on me. Like they are just almost micromanaging and I'm like, this is not what I signed up for. And, and then what I've seen is that they back off once they know that I've got it. Like once they know that I know what I'm doing.
The more I can manage up, the more they back off. But the more I drop the ball, the more they micromanage me. So it's somewhat of a self fulfilling prophecy of like, if, if I keep taking bigger and bigger things off of their plate, the more space they give me. But if I can't be trusted with little things, they are going to be all over me. That's not every manager.
Some people are just micromanagers. Some people are too hands off. But good managers generally will kind of keep their distance based on how much they can trust you.
[:Yep. So I wanna pair this one with number three. Okay. So managing up, being your your bosses, like, providing solutions for your boss, you know, understanding priorities, fitting into it. The number three is set boundaries.
[:Mhmm.
[:Because the next thing on a with a with a good manager, they will they will help set boundaries and make sure they're not burning you out. With a domineering boss, they're gonna take advantage of you managing up. And if you don't set those boundaries, then they're gonna overrun you. Now the whole point of this just setting boundaries in general, I think, is it's pushback when pushback is needed. Right?
[:Right.
[:It's being respectful but firm.
[:I would say boundaries are not optional. They are really the professional equivalent of self respect. If you don't know how to set boundaries with other people, you're gonna get run over and taken advantage of. It is it is not going to lead to good things. And so this idea of boundaries is a very important one.
I would say it starts to tie really quickly into number four around communicating. Having boundaries but not communicating them is a big problem. So you need to both have them and communicate them.
[:Well and if you've got a domineering boss that is is just throwing work on you micromanaging and this, that, and the other, this is where setting boundaries can really help. It's I can do that, but it's gonna delay this other project. What would you like me to do? Yeah. You are positioning the problem back to them because if you've got a a domineering boss, it's just constantly changing your priorities.
Oh, gosh. It's just burning you and them out. And so the best thing you can do that is then go back and say, okay. Here's the list of things that you gave me. Which one of these would you like to come off so that I can get that done for you?
Yep. And it again, you don't have to be a jerk about it. You don't have to just stonewall people, but it's it's leverage. It's use it's it's it's also managing backup.
[:Mhmm.
[:So alright. You said you said this one goes with communication. If you don't set the boundaries, don't communicate it. It's also communicate with confidence.
[:What does
[:that mean?
[:I think speaking clearly, directly, honestly, backing up your statements with facts, replacing hesitant, uncertain, insecure language with more confident, decisive words. If you're like, well, I was kinda thinking about maybe going out, to dinner with my wife someplace tonight. So I I'm I'm not sure if I can work late. No, one's going to buy that. Like, sorry.
have reservations at chops at:It's a clear expectation, and it's communicated with confidence.
[:I like that one, but let's get a little more practical in the middle of the day. Okay. Oh. Alright. Good.
Because weak communication invites dominance versus Yeah. You know, confidence commands respect. If you've got a domineering boss and you come in with a weak argument, they're like, hey, are you gonna be done with that report on time? Well, I think I've gotta look at it tomorrow. I, I need I gotta figure it out.
Then they're just gonna jump right in and go, well, do have you done this yet? Okay. Why haven't you done this? Why haven't you done that? Why haven't you done this?
They're literally just gonna micromanage right into it because you've you've shown a a level of weakness versus are you gonna get that report done on time? Yep. Yeah. I mean, one, you if you if you're gonna get it done on time, then yes. But I think it's, yes, I'm gonna get the report done on time.
I'm working through some of my milestones. Would you like an update by the end of the day? Oh, I like that. Because you're you're literally turning the conversation back on them. And if you can and again, you gotta be able to follow through on this.
If you don't provide that update, you're gonna get domineered. Mhmm. The other thing is if you are you are you gonna meet that report deadline on time? You know what? I need to I you gotta be careful on how you phrase this, but no.
Because the delays in the production schedule, bang, bang, bang, I gotta work with x, y, and z to get it done. There's a possibility of getting it done on time, but it was on my next one on one to discuss with you or it was gonna be in my daily update or, you know Mhmm. Again, you wanna kinda go back to set the boundaries is route back into a piece of communication that would have relayed that information. Now, again, if you're behind on the the project and you've been hiding it, that's shame on you. But, again, there's there's ways to communicate clearly and set those boundaries and articulate without being vague and weak.
The other thing is don't be anecdotal. Yeah. When you kinda use the roundabout phrasing and you kinda leave all this, you know, ambiguity on the table, you're just gonna get domineered.
[:Yeah. I I would also say related to this communicate with confidence, bad news doesn't get better with time. Right? So if there's a problem, avoiding it, ignoring it, hoping it solves itself, are bad strategies. It would be much better for you to see what's happening, be proactive, go to your boss and said, hey, This is happening.
I think it's gonna put our delivery date at risk. Here's some options that I've considered. I think this one is the best option. Should we move in this you know, do you agree that we should move in this direction?
[:So that goes back to being bring a solution. Right? If you gotta deliver bad news, bring a solution.
[:Yeah. Or at least bring the idea of a solution.
[:Yep.
[:Yep. Without that confidence, you're gonna get dog piled by the, by the accusations and, by the micromanaging.
[:So here here's the next one. And I'm willing to bet if you have a domineering boss, they're throwing stuff all over the place at you. They're probably throwing gotchas. They're just trying to you know, this is feeding their own ego, etcetera, etcetera. Here's a way to combat it.
Document everything.
[:Mhmm.
[:Record key decisions, expectation, and feedback. If an issue escalates, your records are your lifeline. Pull back that that Slack message or that Teams message or that email, you know, hey, Bob. I told you I would have it done by then. So when they come in five minutes later, say, where's that report?
Hey. Did you remember that email that said that that you responded with okay?
[:Right.
[:Like, you you got it because they're they're if it's a if it's truly a domineering boss, they're in a gotcha mode. But the thing is it's like people that lie. They get caught up in their own lies that then it's easy to expose. And that's why, again, all these other tips are here. If you've got documentation on what's agreed to, then you can speak confident with it, and you're setting the boundaries you're managing up.
And, of course, as long as you're professional with it, you can you can win the I don't know if it's if I don't know if this is a a battle or not, but you can win the particular battle if you will.
[:Well, documentation isn't paranoia. It's really just professional insurance. And whether this is an argument or not, I think it really depends on the on the context. But if you have shown that you are proactively communicating and you're putting that in writing, one, at the worst case scenario, It's a CYA, right? They can't come and fire you and say, well, you've missed this deadline, this deadline, this deadline.
It's like, no, I proactively communicated that those would be missed. Here's how I handled that. And here's the, the record, the documentation of that communication. Right. That will hold up in, you know, in a court if they end up wanting to get ugly.
You've at least got some defense there. But honestly, some of this is just for your own sake. Right? Like in many, especially like tech startups, so many decisions are made so quickly and very few of them are written down. And even six months later, you're just like, why did we decide to do that?
But because you haven't written notes to yourself, you haven't documented your own decisions. Now you don't know why you're doing this because you've just done so many other things in the last six months. It's hard to remember. So this isn't just for a domineering boss. This can also be helpful for you professionally to remember why you're doing what you're doing.
And even just being able to go back and kind of look at some of your own decisions and whether or not you're making good decisions or whether or not you need to improve in that area.
[:Here's an interesting for documentation. The former CEO of Uber was accused of fostering a toxic work culture. Employees documented several conversations that actually exposed the issue.
[:Mhmm.
[:Keeping the digital paper trail, emails, meeting notes, etcetera, like, it it it's what helps expose, can help expose a toxic manager. Now you can't be, I guess, vendettive in it. And if you try to do this for revenge, I mean, it's gonna end in in failure. But if you're dealing with a a domineering boss, it can be the thing that that saves you. Would you say it's not it's not paranoia.
It's professional insurance.
[:Yeah. And if you are that domineering boss, hopefully, your ears are burning. You might be getting a little bit nervous right now. If you're still listening, I'm proud of you for sticking in. Just remember that emails never die.
So don't send that toxic, abusive email because even if you delete it, it's still somewhere and it can be found. So don't don't do that.
[:Back in our innovative days, we're doing IT consulting. We did a lot of discovery for a lot of law firms, and, boy, we found lots of data people thought they deleted. And Mhmm. Oh. Yep.
I don't don't if you don't want it public, then don't send it. Last one. Know when to walk away. I like this one. I like this one.
[:If the toxicity of the environment outweighs the growth, it's not failure to leave. It's a strategic career move. I would say in every job that I've had, there's a BS to value ratio. Right? Some percentage of every job I've ever seen and ever had is just.
Bureau bureaucratic nonsense. Right? My ideal job has about 80% value creation and about 20% BS. If I can get that BS to, to 20% or less, I think I'm doing well. I have found myself in environments where it was 80% BS and 20% value add.
And I'm like, I gotta get out of here. This is, this is just nonsense. I think the same thing can be said about toxicity, right? If you're not growing in the ways you want to grow and this toxic environment is dragging you down, get out. Like, there are so many great companies and great managers who need great people.
And if you're one of them, you don't have a shortage of options. Don't stick around working for a toxic boss any longer than you have to.
[:So I'm gonna take this on a personal note. Most people have a friend, a relative, or even themselves that went through that relationship when they're, you know, teens and twenties and whatnot. Like, it was the oppressive boyfriend or the oppressive girlfriend that just, you know, they, you know, it's it's the the whole, you know, the the girls go for the bad guy and they treat them bad and, you know, etcetera. I think professionally, we we take it one because we need the money. We need the job.
Right. We gotta pay bills to pay. But two, we think that we're it it's like we're giving up or we're, you know, it if I don't know why, but for some reason, it's harder. But I wanna take this this phrase on it. If your boss is crushing your career growth, it's not quitting.
It's upgrading. Yeah. Absolutely. Upgrading to a better opportunity. And I think we said this in several podcasts.
You have the right and the freedom to be well led. You have the right to choose your leader. So why would you choose a domineering leader to lead your you your growth when all that's in it is for them to get an ego boost?
[:And I will say having left a toxic boss and gone to a healthier context, you bring those bad habits with you. Like that stuff rubs off on you more than you think it does. So be careful how long you stay in toxic environments because you are digesting more of that than you think. You're going to take it with you to your next job and you might become the toxic person at the next job because you've just learned these habits unconsciously. So I I think it's very dangerous to stay in toxic places for too long.
[:I I I'll I'll take that one. I I'll give you a quick story. Okay. I worked with many, many years ago. It was, an owner founder that was one of these domineering type guys, and his right hand person, you know, under his wing was a micro domineer too.
And the company folded and he went somewhere else thinking he could, you know, I got it. And this is how you do it. And quickly went from job to job to job to job because he kept he brought that domineering mentality because that was what the owner had, and that was what success looked like in that environment. That was not success, and it took many years for him to reboot his career to finally, realize what the right way to do this was.
[:Yeah. I remember when, the company that I worked for hired a guy like that, and he had a really impressive resume. And he got, you know, we hired him to lead a very important strategic initiative and he flamed out because he thought that if he could just pound on tables and curse at people loud enough that they'd get stuff done. And I was like, that might work where you came from, but that is not gonna work here. And sure enough, he wasn't with the company more than twelve to eighteen months as a senior vice president before he got the boot because he was not a good culture fit.
[:Let's take a spin through the wheel. Nice. As, as as I guess it's written here, going through the simplified wheel. What does this look like from a vision standpoint?
[:I think it's important to keep that vision in mind when you find yourself in a difficult career chapter, right? You're working for a tough boss, micromanager, they're domineering, they're emotionally abusive, whatever that might be. I think having a clear vision of where you're going, why you're going there and how you plan to get there can provide some context for that difficult season. Sometimes for me, it's like, look, I I've, this is a bad situation, but it is six months. And in six months, this is going to change.
That's going to change. And this is not going to be my context anymore. And I'm going to be in a much better place. I can bite my tongue for six months and get through this. But if you don't have that vision and you're just stuck in a bad spot with no plan for where you're going, it's hard to endure and it's hard to know what a good next opportunity is gonna look like.
So so you've gotta have career vision for yourself if you're gonna survive this kind of a context. What about the journey? Once you've got the vision, what's the journey look like?
[:Alright. Strategically adopt your responses for personal growth. Find ways when you execute these, the, you know, your kind of personal SOPs, if you will, of how you're gonna manage this, make sure it aligns with your personal growth. Because every step of this is a learning opportunity for you. Mhmm.
Now, again, if this is if it's really, really, really bad, abusive, and whatnot, you know, get the hell out of there and and leave.
[:Right.
[:But if this is a if this is a kind of the road of the mill domineering boss, find a way to utilize this for personal growth while you work towards the vision you outlined.
[:Have you ever been able to do that? I I wanna hear I'm trying to think of an example of me where, like, I've been in a bad work relationship with a boss or a client and how I was able to adapt that for my strategic growth.
[:I mean, I think I think, I'm living it, you know, real time right now. Okay. Now I I don't know if I'd say it's personal growth. It's it's not personal growth for my my career, I so to speak. Mhmm.
But it's one of those it's growing a a particular relationship in the person that's helping me. You know, it's Okay. In the sense of, actually, I'm the more senior person and a more junior person is helping me through the situation, which is providing career growth and growth for them. And two, it's giving me a different perspective, and it's giving me, you know, that experience. So if I run into this leader again or type of leader again, I've got another tool in my toolbox of experiences to rely on, and I've got a, a junior leader that I've used to help I say, I I a very mature junior leader, if you will.
I should say junior leader. A mature younger leader.
[:Okay.
[:So it's it's kind of an iron sharpens iron situation.
[:Got it.
[:Peer. Let's call it peer. It's it's more peer level, assistance. Even though I've got more tenure on him, it's it's a peer level of of working through this, and it's it's gonna help both of us grow. And it's strategic because at the end of day, I'm still keeping the business in mind and still trying to make the business go forward.
Even though it's a domineering owner, I've still got the best interest in the company in mind.
[:Yeah. That's good.
[:Alright. Culture.
[:I would say working for a domineering boss gives you the opportunity to foster resilience and emotional intelligence in your workplace interactions. I remember working for a boss who was emotionally volatile. You've heard of passive aggressive? This person was aggressive aggressive. They would just, you know, light people up.
Sometimes it seemed like for no reason, for things that aren't even related to their responsibilities. Screaming, yelling, slamming their fists on tables. I mean, it was it was pretty it was pretty ugly. And honestly, some of the stuff that I'm describing there is probably over the line and abusive. Right?
Emotionally abusive and and and should not be tolerated. However, I think it also creates an opportunity, right, if we wanna try to find a a positive spin here of how well do you control your emotions under pressure? How do you deal with conflict? How do you deal with situations when things don't go your way and it's your fault? How do you deal with things when it doesn't go your way and it's not your fault?
I think the pressure that comes with that shows a lot about what's going on inside and who you really are. And it was really interesting in that context. I saw some people who just became professional at throwing others under the bus. Like, they just get so good at anything that he would, directed them. They would throw somebody else in front of the bus and get them in trouble, so that they didn't get in trouble.
I saw other people who would just stand up and take it, even if it wasn't their fault to protect other people. And so it was really interesting to see how people would respond to the same manager. Some people said, no, I'm going to take the beating to protect my people. And others were like, well, let me throw this guy and that guy in front of me so that you can take the beating for me and hide my mistake. So I think there's a really interesting opportunity as, as bad as it is to be in a toxic, emotionally abusive situation or just a domineering situation.
Look how you're responding to it. And what does that say about you?
[:Yeah. Who are you in this situation? Who do you wanna be? Right. Yeah.
I I had a I have a a good friend. He says, your lack of of moral compass does not define my actions.
[:Mhmm.
[:And so it's, yeah, who do you wanna be in this one? And and the last one results, I'm gonna say this first and then back into results. You know, the domineering boss is is temporary. Yeah. The skills you learn dealing with them, those are career long assets.
Mhmm. So what I would say for results is define your milestones or your your learning points. And once you've achieved those, like, if you have the if you're dealing with this domineering boss and you set out what your vision's gonna be of of what, you know, the path this can take, how you can deal with it, you map out your journey, you define who you're gonna be and how you're gonna respond, Set your milestones because the one or two things will happen. Either a, if this domineering is a season, you know, maybe they maybe this is a season thing. They just lost a family member or, you know, something is going on in their personal life and this is how they're handling it.
You may be you know, you taking this approach may actually help guide them back on track. If they've been a domineering boss for twenty years, you're probably not gonna change them. Maybe. There's always hope, I guess. But talk about a a speak with confidence, I guess.
[:Yeah. I guess. I guess. Maybe we need to work work a little bit on on that confident communication.
[:I'm I'm not confident that you're gonna change everybody that's been a domineering boss for twenty years. There's there's a few out there, but I'm sure you're not gonna change most. But if you if you set those milestones, and then once you've achieved that career growth and you've, you know, you say I'm only gonna deal with this outlast three times, like, you gotta define that that line in the unsaved, and then you gotta make sure that's when you walk away. And and you're only cheating yourself if you go through this and you map out a vision journey culture results for the situation you're in, and you just decide, well, I'll take one more outburst. I'll take one more of this.
Either a, you've got some career progression that you're learning and you need to adopt your plan, or b, you're kidding yourself because you're just taking the abuse and not doing anything about it.
[:So Alright. So I have to tell you this story. This is a guy we both know, so we won't say any names. But I was his executive coach, and he worked for a very domineering boss. And it was a very I already
[:possible work environment. Already already know because I'm pretty sure I was on a project with the with him.
[:You you That's the
[:same said company. I can
[:neither confirm nor deny. But this guy had a wife and kids at home and a very volatile, emotionally explosive boss. Right. And I asked him one day, I said, how were you handling the volatility that you're bathing in fifty plus hours a week with the. You know, kind of idealistic house with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids that you have waiting for you at home.
He didn't have 2.5 kids, but, you know, like, they're just so radically different. And and he said, well, I'm really good at compartmentalizing. And I said, that sounds really good, but I, I don't think that's actually as good as you think it is. And he's like, no, that's, it's great. I'm, I'm doing awesome.
And I said, do you know what the word integrity means? And he said, yeah, honesty. And I was like, Nope. It's not honesty. It's wholeness.
Integrity means you're the same person everywhere you go. And the more you compartmentalize, the more you're moving away from integrity. And that was harsh. And I was I was pretty direct with him. However, I was his second executive coach because the first coach had been working with him for a year and he had been telling his coach that he was gonna leave his job for a year and he still hadn't pulled the trigger.
And it wasn't until I kinda kicked him with that statement that he began to realize that he had been in a bad situation for a long time, had not done any of the things that we had talked about or, or not enough of them, certainly. And was just kind of stuck in this repeat and didn't have a way out and finally realized, oh, I'm in I'm in a really bad spot here. I need to get out. And so he he made a change. And now a couple years later, he's in a much better situation, happier at work, happier at home, mental health in such a better place because he kind of chose to take some autonomy and and and make a move that he knew was good for him mentally, emotionally, personally, and professionally, even though it was a little scary.
[:Well, what's crazy with him, if I if I believe we're talking about the right the same person
[:Mhmm.
[:Is I think this was just before I can't remember when you came in to be the coach, but he had gotten approval to help turn his division around and Mhmm. Came in to do it. And we mapped out vision attorney culture results, You know, we applied all these principles, and we actually this just compounds with the the previous episode about or one of the previous episodes, the Gallup poll that had hope is a real high one, is is we had built up a level of hope. We had the backing. We had the support.
We burned the boat. We went all in. And then the the top just pulled the rug out from underneath us. And that was the point where it was like, okay. We said if this all happened and fell apart, you were gonna walk away.
And I think that's about the time you became, his coach. And, I walked away from the project, and I think it was thirty to sixty days later, he resigned.
[:Mhmm.
[:But it's because we literally walked through this with this, and it was a year journey going through it. And and in the middle of it, there was a high. You know, things were moving smooth. The domineering had, backed off, but then something snapped again, and it came right back around.
[:Alright. What's cool is that there's a couple of, of listeners who have weighed in with some other good advice. Omar was, commenting online about the the importance of radical candor and having courageous conversations. A couple of books come to mind there. I think there's one called, Crucial Conversations.
But with a domineering boss, that's a gutsy move, but I think a really strong one if you have the backbone for it to stand up and have some radical candor with that domineering boss.
[:Go ahead. I think I think another one here is, like, Jen highlighted staying calm and setting clear boundaries was a win for her. And then, what's this other one here? There's a third one here. What's that one?
[:Yeah. Just the importance of confidently managing up and knowing when to leave. I love your statement. You have the right to be well led. The world's a big place.
The job market's a big place. Don't let fear of the unknown keep you in a toxic situation for an emotionally abusive boss. There's better options out there.
[:Alright. I think we're we're coming into an end for this episode. So if your boss or your boss may be domineering, but your response is what determines your career's next chapter. We would love to hear your stories. Share if you've got you know, if you're dealing with a tough boss, would like some guidance and help, we'd love to hear from you.
[:Yeah. And you can do those anonymously if you like. But drop your best tip or toughest boss moment in the comments. Your insights might just be what somebody else needs to hear right now.
[:And keep in mind, we're here to help make work not suck. That is our mission. That is our goal. So if you liked this episode, please follow us. If you know somebody dealing with a domineering boss, please share this episode with them, and be on the lookout for more great content of how to make work not suck.
Make work not suck. Our podcast that talks about exactly that, our process, vision, journey, culture, and results. We present real world business solutions that make the difference. Our goal is to make work not suck, hosted by Ryan Hodges, co host Daniel Steer. Join us each episode and make work not suck.
